Confessions of a pseudo-intellectual

Some folks have told me I don’t know what I’m talking about. They could be right.

When you travel around the world for fun or work one tends to form opinions based on observation. When you can’t speak a language you are fascinated by the sound and as soon as you learn a few words you do everything in your power to listen for those words in the hope that you can make out something intelligible - otherwise you a feel like a deaf mute. In any event you don’t really understand much of what is said and your guess is usually wrong. You notice things like American women speak at a pitch above English (and most European) women. You notice that American men cannot pronounce any word correctly even in the English language. Those few Americans who are fluent in another language grew up somewhere else or in a household where another language was spoken. I’m one of those Americans who mispronounces words in every language and all I know is words. I struggle to make an intelligible sentence in any other language, even the one I’m most familiar with which is Portuguese.

Many of the French guys I worked with were a little annoyed that they had to learn English so they could talk to me, and most of our clients, but I didn’t have to learn their language. The downside, for me, was when anyone had to do the talking in English they often picked me to make the case even if I didn’t fully understand the argument. So you see I’m used to talking about things I only understand a little.

I do not do tons of research. I read an interesting article (in English) or the CIA World Factbook and take that source at its word. We already know that the CIA doesn’t know much and when they do know something they aren’t allowed to tell it until it is too late. So even if my sources are published it doesn’t always make them accurate.

Really, to understand a culture you have to live in it - not just visit. Even when I worked in a country for many years, like 7 in Brazil or 5 in Saudi Arabia you don’t really know how people live. You know what it is like at the airport or the hotel or the road to the heliport or port and on the rig, but you don’t know what goes on in regular life. The guys you work with have jobs and probably had to do some real scheming to get it. In some places a guy might be hired because he has experience or a job skill, but often he just knows someone. I worked with a guy who used to beat up his wife and eventually was killed by her. On the rig he was a nice guy. Who knew?

Guys on rigs tell stories. In the seafaring tradition story telling was an art form and truth had little to do with it except in a very casual manner. When you didn’t have stories or lies or whatever to tell, we just had to make stuff up. Some of it was so believable I’ve probably repeated it. Its kind of like getting all your information at the barbershop. Probably some truth, but embellished.

Even people with the best intentions tell you stuff you either want to hear or the way they understand it or they’re trying to evade some blame. One thing you learn (this might be a sea story) is that no matter what language someone speaks the more they try to explain the more likely they screwed something up.

Scottish fishermen (who are speaking English) are 100% unintelligible except for the 4 letter F word which makes up 50% of their conversation. To learn a culture you have to live in it and learn the language. The company I worked for hired English secretaries to work for French bosses in Paris so the bosses could learn English, but the secretaries learned French faster so the plan didn’t work. An English guy I worked with was fluent in French and he told me the secret was the 3 levels of learning which were in bars, in bed and at work. I suspect he had a pretty good handle on French culture.

So, I don’t know much, but I’m not afraid to say it.

(by Marc Adami, Guest Columnist)