My day at the Fair with my Brother-In-Law

I really like going to the Whiteside County Fair.Maybe it's because our daughter got so excited as the fair date approached each year. Since we live only a few blocks from the fair grounds we can easily view when the fair rides arrive and when the tents start to go up.

I really can't remember a year since 1971 that we havn't gone to the fair. This year was no exception and in fact I believe we attended every day except for one.One of those days this year I had an interesting experience by attending with my brother-in-law whom I will refer to as "Jack". That is not his real name and in fact I have several brother-in-laws and none of them are named "Jack".

Now understand there is one rule about fair-going I clearly am aware of and that is the fair is for the kids who wildly look forward to the experience of the rides, the demolition derby, the food of course, all the exhibits and of course seeing all of their friends just prior to school starting. Kind of like a summer ritual where they can let their hair down and just have a lot of fun. I never expected my 50 year something brother-in-law to have the unique kind of fun he had.

We had Jack's grand kids with us and as we approached the front gate Jack informed the 3 and 6 year olds to be careful of all the "aliens" running the rides as a wrong look might cause them to be transferred to Mars. The kids didn't seem to mind these instructions however I began questioning Jack's mental state.We walked into the fairgrounds and decided to go thru the exhibits hall where Jack quickly announced to the kids if they touched anything they would be placed on the next train out of Morrison and of course I immediately put my own hands in my pockets, worried he might be watching me as well.Once out of the buildings and walking the midway, the kids wanted to ride several of the attractions.First ride up was something called a Pumpkin Patch which resembled an open sided metal pumpkin with room inside for the kids and 3 adults. Jack decided not to join us on the ride and assumed a position outside of the railing as he watched us twirling around, slowly getting a nauseous feeling.Once we unglued ourselves from the perilous pumpkins, Jack gleefully had the kids attention reminding them they had just missed being carried away into space by those "aliens". Thankfully the kids were either too nauseated or excited to listen and were off running to the next game.

Walking by a seemingly simple basketball game, the vendor yelled at Jack to "win something for your kids!".Being either tired or thinking he could actually get one over on this simple game, Jack said Okay. The kids were anticipating big rewards and with encouragement from the vendor the kids threw up ball after ball all the while Jack believing these were "free" throws. When the vendor suddenly said "you're a winner!" and handed a 25 cent toy to one of the kids, he turned to Jack and said so smoothly "$12 bucks please, you don't want to disappoint your kid do you?".We pried Jack away from the vendor with lots of interesting theories by Jack that the guy most likely really was an alien with no earthly values.

Walking down the street and out of the fair, Jack was loaded down with plastic fish, stuffed plutos, cotton candy, a half eaten corn dog and the kids were tired but still excited about their day at the fair. I was in the rear, tired, confused about my brother-in-law and thinking about next year's fair.The kid's will be a year older and still excited about going to the fair but I think we will leave Jack home.

(by Bob Vaughn, Guest Columnist)